Divorce
The house is usually the hardest part.
Neither of you wants to be the one who brings it up, and both of you need to know where you stand. Start with what it is worth. Everything else gets easier to talk about once that number exists.
You are probably being asked to make one of the largest financial decisions of your life at the point when you have the least capacity for it. That is not a personal failing. It is just what this is.
My job here is narrow and I keep it narrow. I tell you what the house is worth, I explain what each of your options is likely to cost and net, and I put it in writing so both of you and both attorneys are looking at the same page. I do not advise on how anything should be divided and I do not take a side. If we get to the point of selling, I handle the sale in a way that keeps the two of you from having to be in the same room more than necessary.
Your options
There are four, and selling is only one of them.
One of you keeps it
One person buys the other's share and refinances into their own name. This only works if the lender will approve that person on their income alone, so it is worth finding out early rather than assuming.
You sell now
The house goes on the market, the mortgage is paid off, and what is left is divided however your agreement says. Cleanest financially, and usually the fastest way for both of you to move on.
You sell later
Some couples agree that one person stays for a fixed period, then the house is sold. It buys stability for children, and it needs to be written down properly by your attorneys.
You do nothing yet
This is a real option and it is more common than people admit. Knowing the number now still helps, because you cannot negotiate anything about the house without it.
Working with both sides
One valuation, given to both of you, worded the same way.
Most of the arguments I see about a house are not really arguments about the house. They are two people working from two different numbers, each of which came from somewhere unreliable. A written valuation with the comparable sales attached ends that conversation quickly.
I am happy to speak to your attorney directly, and to your spouse's attorney, so nobody has to relay messages. If discretion matters, say so at the start and I will market the house accordingly.
Common questions
- What if my ex does not agree?
- That is common and it does not stop us getting the information. I can value the house and lay out the options for both parties, and I work with both attorneys rather than taking a side. If the two of you cannot agree on a course of action, that part belongs with your attorneys and the court, not with me.
- Will you talk to my attorney?
- Yes, and I would rather. I communicate with counsel directly so you are not stuck relaying messages between people. I do not give legal advice and I do not advise on how assets should be divided.
Start with the number.
A written valuation of the house, and a plain explanation of what each option would mean. Free, and it commits you to nothing.
No pressure, no obligation, and no one will chase you.